I am a happy person
Issue 1/1997 | Archives online, Fiction, poetry
Poems from En lycklig mänska (‘A happy person’, Söderströms, 1996). Introduction by Rika Lesser
Why shouldn't Johann Sebastian Bach be good enough even in this my 59th summer. I contemplate the apple tree in the middle of the field. The continuo branches out just above the earth into four trunks, which, in turn, divide into arms more slender, where the fruits ripen. The foliage patterns the sky, hands plait the voices into a basket. Under the earth, where the roots rehearse, I wait for the succulent, faintly sour fruit. *
(positive thinking)
Brussels is famous for its sunny weather and its waste disposal. My potency and my teeth have never been better. Every moment I have free I listen to Wagner and read Proust without stopping. It is not tragic to be smothered and consumed by small animals. As far as I'm concerned, the panic attacks are a stage that has passed. Politics is about respect for those who think differently and about being honorable. I never feel like smacking my wife. Autumn is my time of year, a time of clarification, of self-control. What I enjoy most is the solitude of an early morning in the churchyard. I am a happy person.
*
The problem with our war was that they could not defend themselves. Nonetheless, we carried out the war entirely according to plan. We did it for our credibility and so that we could restock the depots. Man is not a commodity in short supply. Land mines were not a problem for us who conducted operations from the air. War is always a tragedy but even a tragedy can be beautiful. The pictures you saw were slightly out of focus. Any sharp boundary between the military and civilians is hard to draw.
*
I was inside when the department store collapsed. I was aboard the passenger ferry when it vanished in the deep. I lay on the operating table when rockets hit the hospital in the city under siege. I was riding the subway when nerve gas seeped into the cars. I had hidden myself in the cellar when soldiers set fire to our house. I saw the tidal wave that would drown us as it approached. I was one of the children put to death because a friend needed my heart. I remained in the sand after the desert storm. What you are I was, what I am you will become.
*
Our childhood photographs lie where we left them, in an attic in a cellar. With their features half dissolved, those closest to us, our demons, oxidized to silver nitrite. In the attic in the cellar, in the dark ice-cold goddamn cellar in the attic. Brothers, cousins, sisters, moms, dads... oxidized, disarmed, destroyed. Of mother's wondelful shining kitchen only the hearth remains. The cat drowned in the well along with the rag doll, the kids' bicycles, the rats. Maybe someone ought to remain, withstand the oxidization when the others flee, drown, dissolve. Why do cars and houses with people in them explode every day everywhere. One fine summer day the children found a dead soldier in the cellar in the attic.
Translated by Rika Lesser
Tags: poetry
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